Lately, I've stuffed my life so full of commitments and obligations that my buttons are fixing to bust any minute. The dizzying haze surrounding my head forced me to my bed this afternoon, where I lay, staring at the diagonal wooden slats in the ceiling. All I could feel was a numbness from head to toe.
This isn't how I want my life to be. I thought to myself. Yet, hadn't I been the one to create this blank void where nary a feeling could abide?
Yes. I had created it.
Then, I got to thinking that if I could create such an intense void, I also had the power to create an intense space of joy. This moment of enlightenment was further confirmed to me when I had a visit with my, ahem, therapist. She brought to light the fact that I have been allowing someone in my life bully me. What about life itself? Have I allowed it to bully me?
Yes. Perhaps I had allowed it to do so.
So, tonight, I did what is so very hard for me to do, and I picked up my phone and disappointed a few people by canceling some things. Fascinating how my muscles have already relaxed in my shoulders a little. Interesting how I'm feeling my own breathing pattern again.
By Thursday night at 7:00 p.m., all I want to do is take the stage at the Hotel Café in Los Angeles and feel everything. This is the joy that performing is for me and I don't want to waste it for a minute as an overly-scheduled, basket case-zombie girl. It will be magic, because I am willing to feel it all from the vibration of my lips near the microphone to the tips of my fingers on the keys. Here's hoping that you who come will feel it too.
This show means a lot to me and if you know anyone in the Orange County or L.A. area, I would surely appreciate it if you would kindly let them know about it. I have such great readers. All the show details can be found HERE.