Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Music and Motherhood

Photo by Justin Hackworth.

I am a singer and songwriter by profession. I am also a mother (which should be a profession).  Someone on my Facebook page recently requested that I blog about how I balance these two roles.  And although I'd love to tell you all just how "balanced" I am, I'm not sure I've ever achieved that level of zen in real life.  But what I can do is tell you how I'm really just making it all up and writing my own story as I go along.

Stories are something I'm good at.  I've made up a lot in my lifetime about my limitations and weaknesses. There was a time when I thought that after I had kids, that would be the end of my ability to pursue a career or further my education.  Where did that story come from?  There was also the time when I bought into a story that being in the entertainment business would make me a bad mother.  Or how about the ones I've made up when I've been pregnant? No one will want to watch Jabba the Hutt sing songs about hearts with scars and little girls with great, big plans.  Thankfully, I've had some amazing mentors who have pointed out my story-making abilities and how they've proven to hold me hostage.  Why not make up stories where life is working for me, not against me?  I began to write a story where babies didn't mean that my own personal dreams were over.  But, a story that spelled out a plan where my children would be by my side as companions on my musical journey.  A story where I would wrap them up, and carry them to my college classes in a sling if I had to.  A story where they would toddle around during sound checks and eat the finger foods in the green room during concerts.  A story where people would find my big, round, pregnant belly endearing rather than offensive up on stage.  I have found that when I write stories that resonate with truth and lay them at God's feet that he always carves a path for me to accomplish them.  Does it all look perfect?  No.  Have I made mistakes?  Yes.  Have there been times when I've been self absorbed and lost my center?  Heavens, yes.  

So, if I had to sum up just exactly how I do both motherhood and music, I would tell you that I do a  reasonable amount of it with my kids in tow.  Yes, I write songs while I'm cleaning, driving or rocking a baby to sleep.  I do paperwork while my toddler dumps everything out of a drawer and onto the floor.  I let the camera crew hold my baby during shots and then I soothe him in between if he gets fussy.  At times it can be exhausting and as my career has grown, I've also recognized the need for help.  I have some amazing young ladies who come and help me with cleaning, answering emails, running errands and watching the kids when I need solitude.  My husband has also adapted in amazing ways to what our life looks like with me as a recording artist.  I'm not superhuman and I can't pretend like I do everything on my own.  I think the main thing to emphasize to you (and repeatedly to myself) is that your story doesn't have to look perfect.  In fact, it can't.  The beauty of it is, you get to write your own.
 
Photo shoot in L.A. for Zoe Magazine.


 Wrangling baby Griffin in between shots.


Backstage with my boys at the release concert for "Anchor." Photo by Justin Hackworth.

  
 Performing with the Teton Chamber Orchestra at six months along.  Photos by Krista Maurer.


 Filming the music video for "Eyes" at nine months along. 
Griffin was born exactly one week later.



20 comments:

  1. Love this post, Mindy. Thanks for reminding me that everyone can write their own story as they go.

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  2. I think you are amazing..anyone who can balance work and mom stuff is pretty much superhuman. You are great and your kiddos are sooo lucky! Love the zoe photos and the one of the backstage..kids hugging you..totally tear worthy!

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  3. I don't know how you do it, but you do it! Having a partner that can adapt is such a huge help. You're blessed. I wanted to say that as an Atheist I find your early spiritual music some of the most beautiful I've heard. It makes me appreciate what belief inspires people to create. Cathedrals, art, and of course, music. Thanks for being a smile maker for all your fans.

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  4. I LOVE the concept that we write our own story! You taught me a very deep and meaningful lesson.

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  5. Mindy, you are my hero. You are an inspiration to creative mothers everywhere.

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  6. thank you for the post!! I think my most memorable performances were when I was pregnant. I had many woman tell me that it shows that being pregnant and or a mother doesn't mean putting aside everything they enjoy! :) Thanks for the encouragement!

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  7. I remember that red dress, but from behind. I'm a member of the Teton Chamber Orchestra and thought you were the cutest pregnant lady in wings, ever.
    Thanks for keeping it real.

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  8. I love you Winkel girls. Always make me smile.

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  9. I enjoyed reading this, Mindy. I think I can confirm that what you wrote is true to life. I played in the orchestra for one of your concerts and between the sound check and concert I accidentally walked into your dressing room while you were feeding your baby. Very sorry about that and I seriously hope you don’t remember my blunder! Anyway, at least I thought that was what I walked in on. I closed the door so quickly I couldn’t really tell. But either way, I was amazed to see you taking care of a child at a time most artists would be totally absorbed in zoning in for an impending performance. I wasn’t familiar with you or your music back then, but I remember thinking you must be someone special. And I have since learned you are!

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  10. Mindy - really REALLY lovely blog post and so inspirational for me. I get asked the question very often as well "How do you balance music and motherhood?" and like you, it's never perfect. I often think I must be pulling the wool over everyone's eyes if they think I do this so well.

    At my CD release concert this last August, my 4 year old son wanted to come to the concert so badly. I had lined up a babysitter for he and our other son (2 years old) and they had all sorts of fun things planned. But he looked at me with big tears in his eyes and said he really wanted to come to my concert. How could I say no to that? So I let him come with me. Before the concert, it was very busy with setting up and sound checks and all of that. he had fun picking out what seat in the concert hall he wanted to sit in, and watching me practice and do sound checks. And then I needed to go change and get ready, and my mom took him out to the lobby to watch him. Well like 10 min later, one of the sound guys brought him back to me in the dressing room and he (my son) was crying and had this red blotchy face and was so scared and upset. Apparently, he got away from my mom and started to wander and got lost in the concert hall. One of the sound guys found him and brought him to me. He crawled up into my lap and sat there hugging me for the next 15 min. My guest artist who was sitting next to me getting her makeup on (also a mother of 2) said to me, "Jennifer, if you EVER tell me that you're a horrible mother I will slap you, because if my daughter had come to me crying right before one of my shows I would have told her to suck it up, go find her father and deal with it. I would never let my kid in the dressing room with me." It hit me really hard, because to me it was just naturally what I would do when my kid was sobbing, concert or no concert. I think it takes an amazing amount of courage to follow our dreams, all the way through motherhood and kids and the whole thing.

    One thing that keeps me going is I know this is what the Lord wants me to do, and He continue to support me through it and bless my husband and kids as well. It's not easy, but it's possible. My best to you Mindy!

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  11. I absolutely love your music and learning your back story only adds more depth to the meaning of your songs. I love the message that stories can work towards you not against you, I think it is one that is hard to realize sometimes, but the way that you phrased that and the example of your life will certainly help people hoping to gain the same understanding!

    Also the vision of a pregnant singer/ songwriter preforming on stage will serve as a symbol for me to reflect on. I will admit thinking about that illustration at first was jarring, I'd never pictured the image in my head, but my consciousness has been raised.

    I am an atheist but I find strength in your beautiful music, thank you!

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  12. The beautiful thing about life is that there is no right way. Our greatest problems are caused because we set limitations on ourselves, but once we've lifted those limitations, just as you have, then we can start to write our own stories, we chart our own courses, and we feel such a sense of freedom, opportunity, courage and empowerment. Beautiful, Mindy.

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  13. Hey Mindy-

    I just found your blog and am loving it. :) So I have this goal someday to get my PhD and it scares me to death to think about trying to do it with a family...but I'm glad to know that it doesn't take a superhuman to do amazing things. :) you rock.

    -Lindsay Merrill

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  14. AMAZING, Mindy! You have been the most amazing example to me of a woman pursuing her music career and a really good mom! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on imperfection and our need to embrace the fact that we are always trying! I love your music and your outlook on life! And I've loved chatting with you at soundcheck series events while I was in Utah. Thanks!

    www.facebook.com/millamusic
    www.reverbnation.com/millasmusic

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  15. Thanks so much for sharing this message, Mindy. It really has helped me today. Best wishes as you compile your latest album! - Nina

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  16. Wow! Such an insightful, honest, beautiful and inspirational post! Thank-you, thank-you! So true! Love it!

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  17. what a beautiful story in prose and photograph!!!!!!!!

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  18. I love you Mindy! You are inspiration to women everywhere. I admire your insightful thoughts on motherhood and your career. It gives us all hope.

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  19. beautiful, beautiful pictures.

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  20. I adore your music, and now I adore you just that little bit more. Thank you for a lovely and inspiring post. :)

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