Remember that post where I gave you a personal tour through my house? Well this is another post just like that one except I'm going to take you on a personal tour of my brain. If I may, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to reveal the proverbial wizard behind the curtain.
When I wrote the last few posts about my photo shoot, I wanted to tell you how things aren't always as they appear to be and that the photo shoot I had dreamed about, was really just a so-so experience. But I was too exhausted in the moment to give my most honest, heartfelt version, so I gave the candy-coated, fairy tale one instead. Who wants to read that kind of crap? Not me.
So here's the honest version, shorthand style:
Some really meaningful moments.
Some moments where I fantasized about punching certain people in the nose.
Had an emotional break down in the shower. Cried it out.
Felt exhausted.
Felt proud of my risk taking spirit.
Didn't speak up enough.
Allowed too many cooks in the kitchen.
Learned valuable lessons on trusting my own artistic judgment.
As I look back, I clearly see how I need to be more assertive in my life. I'm a people pleaser and a peacemaker. I keep things to myself in order not to hurt feelings, which usually leads to a later outburst of emotion, (sort of like this post) accompanied by thoughts of decking the people in the face. It's a vicious cycle. But today it ends. Right here. Right now.
Am I starting to sound a little psychotic to you? It's not that I don't believe in optimism or envisioning beautiful experiences in our lives, because I really do. But if you leave my blog today remembering anything, I hope it's that nobody is perfect. Things don't always go as we plan and that's ok too. Oh yeah, and if you ever feel like punching someone in the nose, you're probably pretty darn normal.
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'We'll sell t-shirts saying "I slapped Ouiser Boudreaux".'
ReplyDeleteNow I want some curry.
For the record and just to make you feel better. I am often mistaken for the oldest sister instead of the youngest. Serious. The oldest has squeezed out 4 kids and is 6.5 years older. I guess it doesn't look like baby fat anymore :)
"nobody is perfect. Things don't always go as we plan and that's ok too."
ReplyDeletei will hold onto that today. i can use the reminder right now.=) thanks, mindy.
I love that you are brave. It gives me hope that one day I might be, too. You described me perfectly in that next-to-last paragraph, but I am not brave enough to stop being that person. (As much as I would love to at times.)
ReplyDeleteYou are inspiring.
can't wait to see the fruits of those meaningful moments. nor can i wait to hear the stories from when you wanted to punch certain people in the nose. :)
ReplyDeletelove you friend.
Wow I think this post describes me to a T(where did that phrase even come from anyway?). I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who keeps quiet when they need to speak up. I always try to avoid conflict so I usually just keep my feelings to myself and hope for the best... which almost always leads to disappointment. It takes alot for me to realize that everything is going to be okay and although things might not have gone how I hoped they would, life goes on and some how things always end up working out. Anyway, just know that everything will work out and in some situations decking the person in the face really does help the situation. Sometimes people just needed a good beating. Just a thought. Sorry I know those last couple sentences were uncalled for.
ReplyDeletethanks so much for being real and being honest. It's what I love about you and your music. I love that you're normal and down to earth and imperfect like the rest of the universe so we can all relate :). Hope you're feeling better and find that perfect place for songwriting. It takes miracles when you're a mom to find that peaceful/quiet/happy place to create!! (Usually after kids' bedtime!!)
ReplyDeleteThat just totally describes me too! lol...I try not to hurt other people's feelings, but in the meantime I am going crazy inside...about to burst because I know it's not what I want. And then I explode later. Usually my husband gets the punch in the nose, lol... (well, maybe not a punch, but he "gets" to listen to my craziness) :)
ReplyDeleteWell, we all know I love punching people in the nose, so I guess, I'm normal. Whew. Glad that's settled. So, I think you kick a--, Mindy. Yep, I do.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post! Loved your insights and honesty! Thanks for being real! If your frustration was going on during the video you posted that would explain how it came across. It really didn't seem like you were having fun during it. Wishing you lots of courage to speak your mind! It sure can be a challenge!
ReplyDeleteI so know what you mean I am a people pleaser which really bugs me and it takes me like a whole day to realise someone walked all over me and then I just feel mad at myself again! humph. You did take beautiful pictures though so hopefully you got what you wanted even if the process was painful. Keep up all your hard work it will all be worth it in the end! There are so many of us cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteMindy, you're beginning to remind me of Pam Beasly!...no, Pam Halpert now. I guess it turns out there is more substance to The Office than we ever thought possible...I estimate you're just about at the end of Season 3 :) Next step: walking on hot coals on a beach.
ReplyDelete