Remember that post where I gave you a personal tour through my house? Well this is another post just like that one except I'm going to take you on a personal tour of my brain. If I may, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to reveal the proverbial wizard behind the curtain.
When I wrote the last few posts about my photo shoot, I wanted to tell you how things aren't always as they appear to be and that the photo shoot I had dreamed about, was really just a so-so experience. But I was too exhausted in the moment to give my most honest, heartfelt version, so I gave the candy-coated, fairy tale one instead. Who wants to read that kind of crap? Not me.
So here's the honest version, shorthand style:
Some really meaningful moments. Some moments where I fantasized about punching certain people in the nose. Had an emotional break down in the shower. Cried it out. Felt exhausted. Felt proud of my risk taking spirit. Didn't speak up enough. Allowed too many cooks in the kitchen. Learned valuable lessons on trusting my own artistic judgment.
As I look back, I clearly see how I need to be more assertive in my life. I'm a people pleaser and a peacemaker. I keep things to myself in order not to hurt feelings, which usually leads to a later outburst of emotion, (sort of like this post) accompanied by thoughts of decking the people in the face. It's a vicious cycle. But today it ends. Right here. Right now.
Am I starting to sound a little psychotic to you? It's not that I don't believe in optimism or envisioning beautiful experiences in our lives, because I really do. But if you leave my blog today remembering anything, I hope it's that nobody is perfect. Things don't always go as we plan and that's ok too. Oh yeah, and if you ever feel like punching someone in the nose, you're probably pretty darn normal.